Straight Talk with Abiola
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Abiola

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Valentine Blues

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Yayyyyy, it’s valentine’s season!!! So like they say “there’s love in the air”. There’s something about this season that makes love seem as if it’s made for just a day in the year and some build up their emotions only to be let out on this auspicious February 14th day.

It’s such a big deal that even the traffic waits to get extra crazy on this “love day”, If you live in a city like Lagos, Nigeria. I know for sure that many people look forward to this day. The young ones and our adolescents are also at the smart center of this eventful day. The buzz is real in university campuses, even the corporate business environments are not left out in this “one day” celebration of love.

Valentine’s day has become so widely accepted and celebrated by young and old, learned and illiterate; poor and rich all in the bid for the expression of love to that special one or ones as the case may be😳 and to receive same while some can’t be bothered and are aloof as far as Valentine’s Day celebration is concerned for different reasons ranging from religion, being single and no one to celebrate with, in seemingly “loveless” relationship or just disbelief in the concept of valentine.

Many young adults find themselves under enormous pressure as the day approaches for varying reasons; high expectations of what the gift will be and from who (depending on the number of suitors 😁), the probability of the golden proposal happening especially for those in long term relationships, some are so desperate and are willing to give ALL on that day to the special one without holding back anything.

Hmmmm…..May I just give my two kobo on this my beautiful young friends?

Valentine’s day is just a day but love is an everyday phenomenon and love is the very expression of all things beautiful and exciting yet calm, kind, patient, well-mannered, unselfish, and pure (yes, pure). Because God is Love! Whether you’re in a relationship or not, just understand that you don’t have to throw away every restraint or give in to any form of pressure all in the name of the celebration of love. There is a February 15th after the much anticipated February 14th, you should know that whatever seed is sown on 14th will start germinating thereafter.

While it’s okay to want to have a special day but it’s better to have an all time experience of love with your special ones and for you to have a healthy and enduring  love, please note that it takes first of all, self love, much patience, strength of character, decency, amongst others but most importantly GOD who is the definition of Love! To know God is to know Love that’s not fleeting for just a day, never disappoints and one that endures for all time!

I wish you a great celebration if you’re one to believe in Valentine but I pray much more that you find your security in the love of God and in whom God has made you, a masterpiece. 

On a lighter mood, let me share an experience from way back in secondary school. It was a particular valentine day and I didn’t even have a boyfriend nor any secret admirer that might spring up a surprise gift😃 so because of all the hypes and pressure amongst my mates and friends, I devised a means in order not to be left behind. Guess what? My aunty just arrived from the UK and had brought some gift items for my mum, so as a sharp girl I borrowed (no I didn’t think it was stealing, after all I was going to return it after my show off in school 🤪) a very beautiful make-up set, got myself a card addressed to myself and took it to school to also show off my valentine 🎁😆.

Let’s do this for fun, please share something you’ve done or someone you know had done during a valentine to save face because you didn’t have a Val and didn’t want to be different amongst friends.

Have a fantastic valentine celebration with sense.

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Declutter

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Decluttering is the process or activity of getting rid of what you don’t need from your home and/or your life. 

I love organized space and disarray has a way of unsettling me. I found that I am more relaxed and my creativity inspired when my space is clean and everything in its place. While this might not be everyone’s orientation, I think it’s something that holds true generally in our lives that we are more productive, think clearer and see more clearly with laser focus when our lives are less clogged with unnecessary baggages.

As we gear up for 2023, it’s imperative that we look critically at our lives and some activities or association that we’ve gotten involved in or entangled with (whatever the case may be) because the Bible advises that while all things are lawful, not all things are expedient. Therefore, we need to be able to discern between the lawful and expedients in our lives as well as between good and purposeful. Note that not all good activities are purposeful depending on the assignment of God for your life per time. I believe purposeful takes priority over good or convenient. 

And It’s that time to prioritize in line with God’s specific plan/visions for our lives and to be intentional about not going with every flow. Knowing what your priorities should be and aligning accordingly would enable you avoid burn outs, getting stressed or engaging in futile activities. Knowing when to say No is also one way of ensuring that your life remain decluttered. 

For instance, It’s not all Whatsapp group that you should belong to, neither is it every friendship that you should hold on to. You might want to rethink the usefulness of every group you presently belong to in line with your God-given visions for 2023 and start decluttering as we round off 2022. We must begin to sift and surround ourselves with only those things and people that should be in our lives for the next chapter that God is opening for us in 2023. This is so important as wrong association or unnecessary activities can be very costly and set us decades behind while the right company can also catapult us to levels beyond our imaginations. 

I’ll leave you with these words of Apostle Paul:

“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. Nevertheless, to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us be of the same mind.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭3:12-16‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

My questions then to you are:

  • what must you forget, remove, stop doing, declutter? (these can be previous successes or past failures, animosity, bitterness, unhealthy habits/characters/mindsets etc that have kept you in a spot) 
  • what is that one thing that you must focus on/press relentlessly into in 2023?. What’s that GOAL? 

2023 is a year to be laser focused and set one’s face like a flint. It’s a year to avoid all form of distractions and unnecessary expenditure of energy. 

Travel light and stronger my friend. 

I wish you a highly fruitful and impactful 2023!

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MINDSETS

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Forming, Un-forming, and Reforming!

Mindset is defined by the Cambridge dictionary as a person’s way of thinking and opinions. It’s basically our belief system, point of view, and opinions. The way we perceive life and events and relationships with other people stems from our mindsets. Our mindset controls our attitude and ultimately who we are and what we become. 

It’s a powerful instrument that determines the course, pattern, and dimension of everyone’s life. One is either limitless or limited depending on their mindsets. 

The mindset is the whys of one’s making and another’s undoing. It is therefore very pivotal and advised to pay serious attention to how we build it.

Mindsets are formed and can be unformed and reformed. 

Mindsets are mostly created for CHILDREN. This is very instructive for parents. Children come to the world like blank pieces of paper for whatever to be written by whoever and as dry sponges, they soak up and are molded by whatever information is given. 

Parents, teachers, friends, media, and society are the writers of these papers while children just soak in all the verbal and nonverbal teachings on life from events, places, people and circumstances their backgrounds expose them to, positive or not, truth or lies. 

It is hence easy to reform a child’s mindsets as they come to the world clueless and naturally look to parents, teachers, and friends to understand the world around them, having no other point of reference and in no place to critique the knowledge being given them. They ask questions and the answers found (whatever that is) are quietly but surely form their mindsets.

These determine their ideologies and perspectives on life. Our ideologies/perspectives on life determine our attitudes and these define our altitude (success, fulfillment, or failure).

Perspectives about the personal self-concept (who am I), what success means, how life works, love, money, relationships, etc are being formed into strongholds called mindset in our children through different phases of life and interactions.

We need to ask ourselves as parents and guardians what mindsets we are creating for these children. Will it produce for them the kind of life we aspire for them to live? 

It’s their lives we are talking about. If not, Can we backtrack and be intentional about how we present life to our children? Some parents don’t do better because they don’t know better. Can we start with ourselves? We can’t give what we don’t have. Our mindsets influence and reflect on our children. 

So we then need to seek to un-form and reform our own limiting and unhealthy mindsets in order to be able to positively impact/influence our children. This is a life-molding decision that must be taken with all seriousness and a determined action plan. 

In unforming and reforming, it’s pivotal to know👇

Mindsets = Habitual Thoughts + corresponding images + Emotions elicited.

The keyword here is habitual. When our thoughts and emotions become habitual, through repetition and continuous practice, we have set our minds and life outlook on autorun. The more we repeat the practice of dwelling on a particular way of thinking and feeling, the more a corresponding mindset (positive or negative) becomes a stronghold. 

Therefore we ultimately see what we want to see. Hear what we want to hear and definitely become what we think we should be. Whatever we believe, we tend to prove ourselves right over and over again.

So think about it, what mindset do you want to have and impact on your children, about self-concept, wealth, the meaning of success, how life works, core values, etc? 

Find your truth (a good place to start is the word of God which is the very blueprint of life and definition of who we are). Then make it your habitual way of thinking and feeling (emotions) through constant and repetitive practice. Start, do and do it again!

Hope you’ve found this useful. Do send us your comments. Also please send me a DM if you feel the need to join our growing community of ‘Parents Raising Godly Children Community’ (PRGCC) 

I am available for speaking engagements, and mentorship for parents and children (Pre-teen through adulthood).

Thank you

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 9 1 1 I N S P I R A T I O N A L

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A crisis is defined as a time of intense difficulty or danger; a period when difficult or important decisions must be made.

Crisis and chaos are real phenomena. They’re signs of end times (Luke 21) and reasons why both rich and poor commit suicide, we see an increase in drug and substance abuse, high levels of mental illnesses, increased divorce rates, etc. The root cause lies in unresolved issues.

Issues such as financial difficulties, unrealized dreams, hopes deferred, frustrations, Family problems, self-esteem issues, bullying, peer pressure, etc.

The reality of a crisis should never be ignored or denied. Face up to their existence with the view to conclusively dealing with and overcoming them.

God in Genesis 1 was faced with a situation of chaos, earth had become formless and void. There are lessons to be learned from how He dealt, for our emulation in our own times of crisis.
Whenever in a situation of chaos and trouble, you may want to do the following in the order written:
1. Calm down first. Take back your peace. All crisis has the tendency to raise your blood pressure. The devil’s goal is to unsettle you and rattle your boat. So calm down first and foremost
2. Seek to know what God’s Word has to say about your particular situation. Don’t be surprised to know that God has an opinion on every and any issue you may be faced with, find it. God’s Word is our lifeline.

3. Brood over the Word you found by God’s Spirit through meditation. When you meditate long enough, you’ll get illumination about that situation. Genesis 1:2-3; Illumination is light; it’s understanding dawning in our spirits and it brings clarity and discernment. Illumination gives you the right/God’s perspective of the situation.

4. Separate truth from lies – Genesis 1:4; Every situation is a combination of these 2 forces. Illumination from God’s Word reveals God’s purpose for that situation and this is the truth, knowing this helps you to discern the devil’s lies. It’s these lies that push people to a place of hopelessness, leading to destructive actions.
Don’t ever be confused about what’s true and what’s not. Having separated the truths from the facts, choose to think and speak only the truth from God’s perspective about the situation;

5. Genesis 1:6-8; God’s design for chaos and crisis is to ultimately draw us closer to Himself as it reveals our inadequacies and needs for a savior, God. Every crisis is a test to the next level. Hence whenever a crisis shows up, it’s time for a deeper walk with the Lord. When one stays long enough in fellowship with God, you get solutions through rhema plus perfect peace that confounds the natural man.

6. Genesis 1:9-13; 1 Corinthians 2:9-15; See, the formless and chaotic situation is a cover-up! When you unravel and unwrap, you’ll discover treasures. What’s underneath has unimaginable capacity and capabilities to not only yield blessings but those blessings have fruits and seeds in themselves to keep reproducing themselves automatically for all ages.

Your troubles and challenges are cover-ups. They seem daunting and intimidating but superior understanding is required to discern the greatness and everlasting blessings to be released when conquered. So conquer!


7. To the overcoming, you might think the victory ends with the dry-ground blessings but wait for it, it’s beyond that. There are glories of the heavenlies which supersede any earthly goodies.

8. God put an end to the chaotic situation, having created order, he then introduced the first Adam into the scene to maintain and sustain the order. Jesus is the second Adam 1 Corinthians 15:45; When Jesus is in your boat, storms may show up but be rest assured that they are non-facto as just one word from the Lord calms all storms of life.


 I hope you find this information useful.

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THE ENGAGEMENT

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I was forced to have the sex talk with my daughters around ages 6 & 7 when I’d planned to wait till about age 10 because I suddenly realized that they already had some idea about what sex was during a conversation. 

Society wasn’t sparing them what I was shielding them from, so I might as well gain the advantage of ‘first mention’ in order to give them the right perception.

Today’s world demands that you don’t wait too long before having certain conversations with your children because the rate at which information is released and circulated is with such speed that if you’re not careful you won’t be able to keep up with what your children are being exposed to daily.

The holidays are here and fast approaching an end, this is therefore a good time to check in with your children and wards to really get to know what they’ve been up to and have those deep conversations.

From research some of the things we should discuss with our youngsters even from early pre-teens are:

  1. Drug abuse and addiction – some kids are already aware of the potential of recreational drug use such that regular medications used at home can be abused by kids to get ‘high’ or for some kind of academic performance enhancements. Please find out what they know already. Don’t be an ignorant parent, be educated on possibilities with these children and find out what they’re being exposed to by friends and peers in school. You’ll only truly get information from them by asking direct questions from a place of genuine concern and un-judgmental love. Also, you want to be armed with adequate and superior information before starting such conversations. You may want to read my blog post on dealing with addiction. 
  2. Pornography – children will naturally grow some curiosity about sex as they mature, this is normal. However, what’s abnormal and an extreme expression of sexual curiosity is pornography addiction. Addiction to pornography stems from visuals and oftentimes, it takes one very vivid exposure to nudity/sexual scenes and easy access to get a child hooked. Almost every visual in our world seems to have some form of sexual connotations; sadly note that even cartoons that are meant to be safe for kids to watch are not being spared. Easy access to the internet and smartphones also make our children vulnerable. Therefore it’s time to know what they know and takes it from there. 
  3. Bullying – Bullying amongst kids is very rampant and dangerous. Your child may fall into either of these categories: a bully, the bullied, or a bystander. It’s important to observe, probe, and find out where he’s playing. According to an article powered by the American Academy of Pediatrics, there are 3 types of bullying.
    • Physical—hitting, kicking, pushing, choking, punching
    • Verbal—threatening, taunting, teasing, hate speech
    • Social—excluding victims from activities or starting rumors about them.

Talk With Your Child About Bullying. Even if you don’t think your child is bullied, a bully, or a bystander, you will be helping to protect your child just by asking these questions:

  • “How are things going at school?” 
  • “What do you think of the other kids in your class?” 
  • “Does anyone get picked on or bullied?” 

4. Depression – It’s important to be able to differentiate between Angst and Depression. Angst might have to do with hormonal changes and adaptations, depression is clinical and require serious medical attention. You might want to read my blog post on depression and do some research on Angst. Then have that conversation with your child.

Then teach them how to deal and if your child happens to be the bully, take it seriously and help her child change her behavior now because if the child continues into adulthood as a bully, she might not live a successful life.

5. Peer pressure – naturally there’s a certain degree of influence on your child by his peers. It could be positive in terms of friendship, positive examples, and inspiration; feedback & advice; socializing or new experiences. However, the other leg of it is the negative pressure to fit in by engaging in what they’re not comfortable with just to be accepted by their peers. You might want to find out now how much pressure your child is presently under from their peers and help them to deal with it. 

Please I’ll like to know what you discover, do kindly send me your thoughts and if you’ve found this useful, please refer others here.

Thank you and God bless! 

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In Teens

YOUnique

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Unique is defined as being the only one of its kind; unlike anyone else.

It means to be distinctive, individual and special. 

In the first chapter of my book “Raising Godly Children”, I wrote about the importance of parental perception of their children using the example of Mary and Martha.

Many would naturally focus so much on Jesus’ statement of “Mary choosing the better part” and lose sight of the import of the silent message about the uniqueness of each individual and how we perceive that uniqueness. Jesus interestingly didn’t rebuke Martha nor advise her to be like Mary and take the ‘path’ that Mary has chosen.

He knew Mary could never be Martha, nor Mary is Martha. He saw each of their uniqueness being adequately channeled and He also saw the unique way each of them chose to express their love for him.

Mary at His feet, Martha at His service. As parents, we must be careful of our perception of each child God has given us. There are different personalities in every family.

In that family, Mary was the blues to Martha’s disco; Mary may be the one to go through life pausing to feel the rain while Martha was more likely to run from the rain before it even starts. That doesn’t mean one is right and the other is wrong, or that one child is better than the other.

Each one is a representation of the uniqueness of the gifts of God. This truth cannot be overemphasized as sometimes parents/guardians have preconceived ideas of who we want our children/wards to be and tend to favor the one(s) that show those traits.

In terms of personalities, natural inclinations, gifting and talents, we should help our children to discover themselves, to understand their uniqueness as strength and not a disadvantage.

We must help to steer them in the direction of being the best versions of themselves and not compete to be a copy of another original. Being uniquely original is better than being perfect. Every business is said to be as strong as its USP (unique selling point) so is the power of the Gods divine unique design of every human.

What I have that cannot be taken is that which God has deposited inside of me uniquely that if discovered and developed will be the game-changer for me and my world. No wonder the Bible says we are all lights and have capacities to shine in our various uniquenesses.

Every time YOU use the word ‘YOU’, remember the one YOU address has his/her own uniqueness with the capacity to change the world just as YOU do, hence endeavor to understand and relate with YOU’s personality without necessarily trying to make everyone be like YOU.

Don’t always think with the mindset of ‘right and wrong’, ‘white and black’ as everyone speaks from their standpoint and there’s plenty grey areas in between white and black.

Be YOUnique! I will like to know what you’ve discovered about your child’s uniqueness and how you are nurturing/developing his/her unique personality and abilities.

Thank you and God bless! 

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DEALING WITH EMOTIONS – JEALOUSY

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From the days of Cain and Abel to date, jealousy has been the root cause of many ills in families and communities; amongst siblings, couples, neighbors, colleagues, business partners, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. If uncurbed and indecisively dealt with at early showing, it has the ability to grow very strong roots inwards and deadlier fruits outwards. It is a primitive response to any potential or perceived threat to one’s overall emotional and physical well-being. Feelings of jealousy are unavoidable, but it is critical to examine one’s emotional response to any stimuli and react with a clear and conscious mind. Emotions are temporary, but actions are irrevocable. 

Just as in the case of the 17-year-old university undergraduate who was reportedly watched and allowed to drown to death by his friends simply because they were jealous of his affluent background and popularity with girls. Their jealousy was nurtured over time and had graduated beyond envy to hatred, leading eventually to murder. This is not rocket science, that’s what the deadly emotion is capable of. So I thought about this situation and realized that parents have a very strong role to play in helping their kids/teens to deal with jealousy as it’s an emotion that creeps into their feelings at some point in life and they just won’t know how to deal if not prepared ahead. If left unchecked, jealousy can lead to dire consequences, such as:

  • Lowered self-esteem
  • Aggression toward other kids
  • A feeling of helplessness
  • Bullying
  • Isolation

Kids these days may struggle more in dealing with this emotion than their parents did at their age because society and their peers today project a facade that has the tendency to highlight their flaws and inadequacies in competing In this world. 

It is therefore advisable that rather than trying to ignore this emotion, it’s imperative for parents to help their children deal by recognizing and responding constructively to feelings of jealousy

  1. Have a conversation about jealousy with your child and share your own insecurities – share your own stories of feeling jealousy in order to make them realize that you’ve also dealt at some point 
  2. Teach them not to always allow their emotions to dictate their behaviors. Emotions are not always rational and controllable but behavior must definitely be subjected to core values of love, kindness, patience, temperance, etc You can’t legislate feelings, but draw a hard line around behavior, starting with siblings. Say, “I’m sure your sister makes you crazy, and you may think and feel that — but you can’t hurt her.”
  3. Spotlight their strengths – make their focus shift from their inadequacies to their strength, every child has something going for her if only she can be helped to discover and be more focused on that. Then she realizes she’s not inferior to anyone and needs not to be jealous of others’ perceived strengths and advantages.
  4. Help your child to actively engage in the things they enjoy and derive sense of purpose and fulfillment from. This would keep them engaged in making life happen rather than watch others make things happen and naturally curb jealousy feelings towards others’ achievements
  5. Encourage sincerity and authenticity – teach them to be free to acknowledge feelings of jealousy when it shows up, and confess it openly, this strips jealousy of its powers over them. Our children must be able to tell their friends or siblings whenever they feel jealous of them by way of confession and moving past it in order not to destroy their friendship 
  6. Avoid comparison – teach them to understand that comparing themselves to others is foolishness as we’re all wired differently and never to compete but to complement. They should learn that the highest expression of themselves is not by another’s standard but the best version of themselves.
  7. Practice the celebration of others’ accomplishments- Encourage your child to befriend their perceived competition and log acts of kindness in a journal. As they get to know someone better, they’ll see that perception doesn’t always match reality. That perceived perfect life might be riddled with depression and the happy frontier is just a facade of coverup 
  8. Practice gratitude – a lifestyle of gratitude always finds blessings to count rather than shortcomings. It’s a total paradigm shift when we train our kids to be grateful for life. They’ll naturally see more than less and most likely be less jealous of others. 
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DEALING WITH DEPRESSION

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Definition 

Depression is a feeling of severe despondency and dejection. 

It’s a serious medical condition that can negatively affect one’s ability to connect with friends and family, enjoy normal daily activities, attend school and concentrate while there, and enjoy childhood.

It’s amazing how depression is fast becoming a common mood even amongst young folks. 

This serious but treatable disorder is very rampant amongst teens and young adults, especially with sudden hormonal and physical changes, it is a mood disorder that causes persistent feelings of sadness and loss of interest. It sometimes makes you feel as if life is not worth living. 

Symptoms 

Common signs and symptoms of depression in children and teenagers are similar to those of adults, but there can be some differences.

  • In younger children, symptoms of depression may include sadness, irritability, clinginess, worry, aches, pains, refusing to go to school, or being underweight.
  • In teens, symptoms may include sadness, irritability, feeling negative and worthless, anger, poor performance or poor attendance at school, feeling misunderstood and extremely sensitive, using recreational drugs or alcohol, eating or sleeping too much, self-harm, loss of interest in normal activities, and avoidance of social interaction.
  • In adults, common symptoms of depression include loss of interest in usually pleasurable activities, fatigue, changes in appetite, sleep, disturbances, and apathy. In women, depression may be more likely to cause feelings of sadness and worthlessness. Depression in men, on the other hand, maybe more likely to cause them to become withdrawn or to feel irritable, aggressive, or hostile

Causes 

There are several factors varying from one person to another that could lead to this such as:

  • Neglect
  • Constantly hearing demeaning words
  • Overwhelming feelings from parental/societal expectations (sometimes unrealistic) 
  • mental health issues such as bipolar 

These all have a common factor, the feeling of self-doubt which borders on identity crisis. 

Finding identity

Self-doubt stems from an identity crisis and the inability to answer the following question: 

who am I? 

Why am I here? 

Why do I behave the way I do? 

What’s my gift, talent, and SWOT? Can I be different and happy? 

Is different bad? 

Can I be unpopular and happy? 

Can I enjoy my own company without seeking validation from multitudes of likes? 

When one is not able to successfully find answers to these questions and more, it gives way to self-doubt which is the creeping but swift forerunner of depression if not immediately detected, addressed, and uprooted. 

Parents, do you know?

It’s quite unfortunate too that a lot of parents/guardians/teachers do not put a good level of importance on answering these questions about their children/wards /students. The answers will give them an understanding of their children’s make-up and help to understand how to best nurture them, without asking an artist to become a scientist which leads our young ones to depression. 

Evil progression 

Persistent self-doubts lead to depression which has a grave capacity of leading to suicidal attempts or suicide itself and worst still, homicide (the killing of one person by another). 

And for more retrospective deep-thinking youngsters who wonder about the world around them, and when the parents/society/churches/mosques/schools become evasive in answering such questions bothering on suffering, wickedness, poverty, sickness, war, sin, death, etc, this also can trigger God-doubt, sense of hopelessness and a plunge into depression. 

How to help

Understand that depression is an illness that requires professional medical treatment if your teen is already considering suicide. At that point, you must engage professional help, not taking anything for granted. 

Show empathy and be supportive. The importance of family and community support can never be overemphasized. It’s important to enlist the support of neighbors, friends, school, and places of worship in the healing and recovery of our depressed ones as the input of everyone around them can either make effective or totally useless what you’ve been building.

Ask questions about his moods out of compassion without criticism or being judgmental. 

Allow her to express herself. Just lend listening ears. Be very careful about interjecting or being quick to proffer solutions. We are more relatable or perceived as human or have empathy when we don’t always claim to have a solution to every situation. Let your child be comfortable opening up about his worries without fear of being shut down or made to feel inadequate.

Magnify their strengths and celebrate positive achievements or activities. Concentrate more on her positive with commendations. Speak more positively than negatively to her. 

Do kindly leave me your comments and thoughts.

Thank you!

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GOAL SETTING SIMPLIFIED

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Goal setting is the process of identifying something that you want to accomplish which is the object of your ambition or effort; and establishing measurable efforts and timeframes. 

Goal setting is probably one of the most important habits anyone that would succeed must adopt as a lifestyle. It’s usually done before or immediately after the commencement of a new season such as a new calendar year, birthdates, new career level or new academic year; after the end of a season and at the beginning of another.

Why? 

No one sets out on a journey without the destination in focus. It determines everything about that journey. Goal setting is the identification or determination of the destination upon the commencement of any particular life’s journey. It entails the road map, routes, means and how to get there. 

Every new season or level is usually accompanied with new targets, goals and objectives. This is so because there is season for everything and the achievement of anything is made possible when it’s kept in focus and actively worked towards. So for every new season, focus ought to be realigned to the object being aimed for attainment. One pivotal way to do this is through goal-setting. 

Who should set goals?

Kids from ages 5 

Teenagers 

Young adults 

Adults 

Everyone!!!

Benefits

Goal setting is pivotal to success and achievement of anything in life even from very young age.

It gives your life focus, direction and motivation 

Goal setting allows you to take control of the direction of your life and the organization of your time and resources.

It also provides you a benchmark for determining whether you are actually succeeding. 

It’s a good measure of success. Success is a subjective term as we all value different achievements in different ways. Your definition of success is in your set goals and the measurement of your success is the achievement of your set goals. 

When we achieve some mileage on our set goals, it boosts confidence and motivates to set even more audacious goals. 

However on the other hand, if we don’t see progress or achievement of goals, it leads to frustration and eventual giving up on the dream. But it’s important to note that at this instance, the problem isn’t with the goals but how it’s set. 

Steps

Identify what you want to achieve in your lifetime by creating the big picture

Break it down into smaller targets that would eventually add up to the big picture achievable in short, medium and long term

Subject it to the SMART test

It must be..

S – specific

M – measurable 

A – attainable 

R – relevant

T – time-bound

Write it down

Plan steps and actions you’ll take daily, weekly and monthly to ultimately attain your goals

Tick them off as you achieve them

Do periodical evaluation of your set action plans and actual actions being taken. Make adjustments as deemed necessary. 

Have you set your goal yet, if not please do. If a parent/guardian teach your children/wards the importance and steps of goal setting. Do it together today and share your experiences. 

We set out with our children to draw our vision boards for 2022 and one of the first things we had to do was to review our 2021 goals set, how we fared, lessons learnt, and what to do better this time around. It was such an inspiring session to see we achieved quite a mileage and a spur to even aspire for more in 2022. I shared this with you so you know that you run better and swifter when the vision is written and made plain. 

Go on, set your goal and teach your young ones to do same.

Thank you!

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BUILDING CORE VALUE SERIES

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HARD WORK

Hard work is defined as a very great deal of effort and endurance. An effort is a vigorous or determined attempt while endurance is the ability to bear or tolerate unpleasant or difficult processes or situations without giving way. 

Thence hard work is the exertion of a great deal of vigorous or determined attempt and possession of the abilities to bear unpleasant or difficult processes without giving way or giving up until the desired end is achieved! 

There are certain key components of hard work:

  1. Vigor – physical strength and good health 
  2. Determination – the quality of being firm and purposeful 
  3. Passion – excitement 
  4. Attempts – efforts to achieve or complete something however difficult 
  5. Forbearance – Patient self-control, restraint, and tolerance
  6. Difficult processes or situations 
  7. Never-giving up mindset

Hard work is one of the virtues that’s vastly disdained, discountenanced, downplayed, and disregarded by a very large number of people today both young and elderly. Life has become so fast-paced with more people achieving enviable feats at very young ages. Hence the misconception that success is achievable overnight. Sleep a dime-naire and wake a billionaire! That’s heresy! 

Yes, there may be some rare cases of sheer luck of stumbling into opportunities but I can guarantee you those are the exceptions and never the rule. Even in such instances, if the opportunity is not adequately met with preparedness, whatever overnight success achieves is oftentimes short-lived and worthless. 

There are also those who have leveraged their parents’ hard work and seemed to have stepped into success without much effort of theirs. I still dare to tell you there is no true success without hard work even for those categories of people. It takes just a study of their lifestyles to know.

The majority of the highly celebrated superstars are thoroughly hardworking in order to sustain their level of success. Even those who engage in illegal ventures to obtain wealth are hardworking at their games. They’re awake, daringly dining with the devil when the lazy ones see a lion on the road and would rather sleep.

Please note that any attainment via illegal or ungodly means does not ever end well. I’m not at all advocating illegalities, just to buttress the fact that to achieve any feat at all, hard work is a prerequisite. So why not rather exert your energy on worthy and sustainable ventures that guarantee genuine and peaceful success? 

It’s so disheartening that every day I come across some young people who do not want to exert themselves in any way. Putting in an effort is considered burdensome and several would rather just rely on reaping the benefits of someone else’s efforts or beg for handouts rather than be willing to go the extra mile to attain relevance and success. 

They forget that nobody truly succeeds without hard work (check out the components highlighted above). No destiny can be achieved by downloading movie apps on your mobile phone and habitually spending every spare second watching the celebrities who don’t sleep or play as you do, who daily exert and deprive themselves in order to produce what you want to spend precious hours to watch. Mind you, every second you lazy around watching them, increases and fattens their bank accounts. Who does the work get the money! 

I personally flaw some successful folks who pride themselves as mentors to these young ones but only project their end results and trivialize the process which is the true bedrock of their achievements.

Preachers emphasize the promises of God while neglecting more so on the covenants which demand such virtues as work, faith, patience, endurance, resilience in the face of stiff resistance, and undying passion which are essential ingredients to actualizing the promises of God. Hence when the members merely confess these lofty promises to a level without seeing any results, frustrations, unbelief, rebellion, and backsliding set in. 

I also see Parents who deprive their children of basic home training and don’t engage them in house chores such as cleaning up after themselves, sweeping, washing plates, and taking out the trash, all in the bid to ensure ‘my children won’t suffer the things I did’. We forget that being responsible for the cleanliness of the home we live in is where training in hard work, responsibility, and taking ownership starts and that the things we ‘suffered’ had built in us the characters that propelled us to the success we’ve attained today. And if our children must grow responsibly, duplicate, build upon and multiply our legacies, they must be equipped with the same characters and virtues. 

Hard work is an honorable virtue that guarantees success and great exploits when applied to any inspired vision, goal, or venture in partnership with mental prowess and divinity. You become unstoppable and challenges become your propeller to flights to heights only eagles attain.

Can we have a change of attitude towards hard work from today and our community and nation will be the better for it? Please let’s all rise up today and declare war on laziness (physical and mental), be committed to healthy living, and apply hard work to everything our hands or mind find to do.

God bless you!

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