From the days of Cain and Abel to date, jealousy has been the root cause of many ills in families and communities; amongst siblings, couples, neighbors, colleagues, business partners, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. If uncurbed and indecisively dealt with at early showing, it has the ability to grow very strong roots inwards and deadlier fruits outwards. It is a primitive response to any potential or perceived threat to one’s overall emotional and physical well-being. Feelings of jealousy are unavoidable, but it is critical to examine one’s emotional response to any stimuli and react with a clear and conscious mind. Emotions are temporary, but actions are irrevocable.
Just as in the case of the 17-year-old university undergraduate who was reportedly watched and allowed to drown to death by his friends simply because they were jealous of his affluent background and popularity with girls. Their jealousy was nurtured over time and had graduated beyond envy to hatred, leading eventually to murder. This is not rocket science, that’s what the deadly emotion is capable of. So I thought about this situation and realized that parents have a very strong role to play in helping their kids/teens to deal with jealousy as it’s an emotion that creeps into their feelings at some point in life and they just won’t know how to deal if not prepared ahead. If left unchecked, jealousy can lead to dire consequences, such as:
- Lowered self-esteem
- Aggression toward other kids
- A feeling of helplessness
- Bullying
- Isolation
Kids these days may struggle more in dealing with this emotion than their parents did at their age because society and their peers today project a facade that has the tendency to highlight their flaws and inadequacies in competing In this world.
It is therefore advisable that rather than trying to ignore this emotion, it’s imperative for parents to help their children deal by recognizing and responding constructively to feelings of jealousy
- Have a conversation about jealousy with your child and share your own insecurities – share your own stories of feeling jealousy in order to make them realize that you’ve also dealt at some point
- Teach them not to always allow their emotions to dictate their behaviors. Emotions are not always rational and controllable but behavior must definitely be subjected to core values of love, kindness, patience, temperance, etc You can’t legislate feelings, but draw a hard line around behavior, starting with siblings. Say, “I’m sure your sister makes you crazy, and you may think and feel that — but you can’t hurt her.”
- Spotlight their strengths – make their focus shift from their inadequacies to their strength, every child has something going for her if only she can be helped to discover and be more focused on that. Then she realizes she’s not inferior to anyone and needs not to be jealous of others’ perceived strengths and advantages.
- Help your child to actively engage in the things they enjoy and derive sense of purpose and fulfillment from. This would keep them engaged in making life happen rather than watch others make things happen and naturally curb jealousy feelings towards others’ achievements
- Encourage sincerity and authenticity – teach them to be free to acknowledge feelings of jealousy when it shows up, and confess it openly, this strips jealousy of its powers over them. Our children must be able to tell their friends or siblings whenever they feel jealous of them by way of confession and moving past it in order not to destroy their friendship
- Avoid comparison – teach them to understand that comparing themselves to others is foolishness as we’re all wired differently and never to compete but to complement. They should learn that the highest expression of themselves is not by another’s standard but the best version of themselves.
- Practice the celebration of others’ accomplishments- Encourage your child to befriend their perceived competition and log acts of kindness in a journal. As they get to know someone better, they’ll see that perception doesn’t always match reality. That perceived perfect life might be riddled with depression and the happy frontier is just a facade of coverup
- Practice gratitude – a lifestyle of gratitude always finds blessings to count rather than shortcomings. It’s a total paradigm shift when we train our kids to be grateful for life. They’ll naturally see more than less and most likely be less jealous of others.
