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Abiola

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RESPECT

Respect is defined as due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others.

  • It is beyond kneeling down or prostrating to greet one’s elder. Neither is it merely addressing the older ones as ‘Aunties’ or ‘uncles’ as some cultures teach while considering other cultures who don’t do the same as ‘lacking respect’.
  • Yes, different cultures may have various ways of showing deference to the older ones but respect is beyond one’s manners of greeting. It is a universal phenomenon and transcends culture.
  • Everyone, regardless of culture or background, color or creed has a duty to have respect for nature, humanity, and divinity as a core value.
  • Respect is being considerate. Putting other people’s feelings into consideration and sensitivity to their probable situation before every word and action is respect. 
  • In a world where the mantra is ‘do it if it makes you happy’, ‘it’s all about you’, and ‘put you first’. This ideology has made selfishness and self-centeredness cool; children now feel comfortable telling their parents that it’s their lives and to be lived as deemed fit, not necessarily with much thought about their parents’ training, expectations, or even feelings. After all the parents also live their lives and their kids should be allowed to live theirs if it makes them happy regardless of whatever it poses to the community; danger or doom to their Neighborhood. Hmmm
  • It’s a lack of respect (consideration) that makes a child whose parents strive to give good education, go to school only to join a cult/gang. If the child has been taught consideration as a character value and has imbibed it as a culture, he/she would find it abysmal to get involved in some activities that would break his/her parents’ hearts just to belong or bow to pressure.
  • A respectful child remembers the child of who he/she is and shuns bad company and other such vices.
  • A driver who respects his own life and that of other road users would adhere to traffic rules and drive responsibly knowing it determines life or death.
  • Parents who respect their children, constantly consider the effects/impact of their choices, ways of life, and habits on the total wellness and healthy growth of their children.
  • Living in fair consideration of others is showing respect. The life we live is not just about us, we need to think about generations and destinies tied to ours in making choices. This is respect.

Respect is being thoughtful, and deep-thinking. Always think through before doing; weighing actions and consequences.

Respect is attentiveness. Attentiveness is so missing in our communications in this age and the lack of it is causing great mayhem in homes, among couples, siblings, parent/children relationships, friends, neighbors, colleagues, places of worship, marketplace, and government.

There’s the global habit of total disrespect in communication which is fast becoming the norm rather than the misnormal, people hardly pay much attention to the one communicating with them long enough to read in-between the lines in the unspoken words through body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, pauses, and sighs. That’s why depression, addiction, and suicide are on the increase because we are surrounded by a multitude, who are with us yet not present. We are lonely in the midst of our own people. We are speaking yet unheard, visible yet unseen. Because my friend seems to have more interest in my social media personality which is mostly make-believe than in me, real life, a real person with real issues.

I believe that we have a better understanding now, knowing exactly what respect is. That it is far beyond what we’d thought it is and it’s worthy a value to consciously cultivate and pass on to others. The good thing is that respect begets respect. You get it when you give it. If each one starts respecting another, we might just herald a new order where respect becomes the norm in our homes and cascades to our communities and the society at large.

Thank you for reading. If you find this useful, kindly leave me your comments and thoughts. God bless you.

Language is the act of conveying intended meanings from one entity or group to another. Have you ever considered that in everything you do or don’t, say or not, you’re communicating your personality, mood, belief & value system, and upbringing, and that ultimately determines how you’re perceived, received, and related with?

There is a huge correlation between your communication and success in life. It is hence important not to be flippant in communication, but rather be intentional as perception is stronger than reality. 

Even if your communication is misconstrued or misunderstood because you’re not being intentional and hence unmindful of the exact impression your actions, inactions, words, or body language are communicating to the other party(ies) their perception based on their interpretation is stronger than your reality even if the former was wrong. 

It then behooves us to be intentional about our lives and the impression we create in the minds of others. Your manner of communication is your language and can be heard loud and clear, spoken or not. 

And today we have numerous platforms by which communication has been made global. You can be in a location and your voice is heard all over the world at the same time. The world continues to grow smaller as barriers to communication are being constantly significantly eroded. And because of this, Your language of communication affects everything, young guy/lady desiring to attract and marry his/her best match for a spouse; entrepreneurs in acquiring more clients for business growth and/or expansion, building a successful career, even your ability to network a certain group of people and attract divine helpers.

I’m passionate about this because it’s been a great concern for me at the growing rate of negative, repulsive, excessively loud, and offensive language being used by lots of people and I’m more concerned about the teens and young adults. The fact that communication is been made global and you can say whatever you wanna say and however you wanna say it, doesn’t change or diminish the fact that your language of communication is your power to create some perception about you that can take you to greatness or not. 

Build values and be intentional about communicating those values by the language you choose to use to communicate on all your means of communication, social media, physical interactions, etc. 

I also want to frankly say without any apologies that it’s not cool to use the F-word, or S-word (swearing) in any conversation and definitely not on social media. Personally, I’m put off by anyone who uses such languages and my opinion of such a person, no matter who he/she is, depreciates with every usage of such words. 

Those languages don’t sound decent in my opinion. I believe they’ve never looked good on anyone, most especially ladies and more important those trying to attract decent, finesse, and Godly. 

You might also want to be careful whose messages or status you copy on your social media as your doing so is perceived as your endorsement of such messages except in the event of a disclaimer. 

But you know what the Bible says? ‘Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Your heart is the source of the words you say. To change your words, therefore, you might want to start guarding your hearts with all diligence by being careful what you constantly feed your spirit and mind in what you watch, hear & read; who you follow on social media & what you browse on the internets; who are your friends because as it’s said ‘evil communication corrupts good manners’………selah 

Hope you’ve found this useful. Kindly drop your comments and refer others to my blog.

God bless you!

Definitions:

Limit – a point or level beyond which something does not or may not extend or pass

Restriction on the size or amount of something permissible or possible

Beyond – further on, far off, far away, in the distance, afar, yonder

Beyond limit – without restrictions, above the permissible, far off impossibilities

YOU ARE BEYOND LIMIT

How do I know?

Everyone is created ultimately for glory, greatness, and exploits.

Jeremiah 1:5-7 “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee, and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations’’

Romans 8:29-30 “for whom he did foreknow, he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom He justified, them he also glorified”

God calls you by the name/Destiny he’s given you and not necessarily what others or even you have called yourself.

If you happen to meet with God for the very first time, He will address you based on your destiny & potential (destination, endpoint, purpose)

For example:

Gideon (judges 6:12);

David (1 Samuel 16).

You (John 3:8 “the wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hear the sound thereof, but cannot tell where it’s going or coming from, so is everyone that’s born of the spirit. 1 peter 2:9 – ye are a royal …….

What you look like or your background doesn’t define you nor do people’s or friends/family’s perceptions.

Jeremiah 29:11 “for I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end” That expected end is glorious, for you to shine like stars and be limitless, achieving all your mind can ever conceive. 

1 Corinthian 2:9 “but as its written, eyes have not seen nor ears heard, neither has it entered into the hearts of men, the things which God has prepared for them that love him”

It’s important that you note that the Bible is a history book and not a storybook. These are accounts of realities that were before us which hold much relevance to our existence today, examples of life, living, and for life. 

Adam: this is the true picture of the original plan and mind of God for you and I. (Summary of before earth, creation, and afterwards) 

My job today is to introduce you to you. What’s God’s purpose for the creation of man? 

Exemplary Biblical Teens

1. Abel – lived a short, but meaningful life. His name means 

“whisper”, but his testimony for God spoke volumes – Genesis 3:1 through 4:5 

2. Isaac —  was born for a special purpose and had the faith to give up his life for God – Genesis 22 

3. Rebekah displayed extraordinary faith on an ordinary day and embarked on a radical journey of faith – Genesis 24 

4. Esau – He bartered away his future for momentary pleasure. His life was an unending series of regrets and misfires. Genesis 25:20-34 

5. Jacob exploited his friends and his family for his own gain, but a radical encounter with God set him on course.  Genesis 25-28 

6. Joseph was betrayed, resisted sexual temptation, and was falsely accused and yet trusted God enough to see God’s will prevail. Genesis 37-39 

7. Miriam – Her quick thinking not only saved her brother’s life

8. Moses – left all the perks of his royal life to identify with God’s people. 

Acts 7:20-25; Hebrews 11:23-27 

9. Rahab – left behind a checkered past and embraced the grace of a loving God. She became part of Israel’s history. Joshua 2 

10. Samson –  wasted his natural talents, good parents, and golden opportunities and pursued a life of pleasure and pain. Judges 13-16 

11. Samuel – birth was a miracle. As a young man, he listened to God’s voice and became an agent of change in a decadent culture. 1 Samuel 3 

12. David – was an obscure and overlooked young man who 

sought God as a teen and never looked back. 1 Samuel 16 

13. Solomon – He began life with such promise but allowed lust and 

greed to eat at his soul. 1 Kings 1 and 2:13–25 

14. Josiah – Even though he was raised in a non-believing home by 

parents and grandparents who rebelled against God, Josiah chose to pursue God. 2 Kings 22:1 through 23:30; 2 Chronicles 34:3–7 

15. Jeremiah – At the age of 17, he was called by God to be a prophet in 

Israel. Jeremiah 1 

16. Daniel – He was ripped from his home as a teen and forced to live 

in a culture that celebrated sensuality, greed, and indulgence. Still, Daniel stood tall for God. Daniel 1 

17. Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego – Like Daniel, they too were ripped from their homeland and forced to live in a culture. And like Daniel, they refused to abandon their faith. Daniel 3 

18. Esther – Her grace won the heart of the king and her courage saved her people

19. Mary – willingly became a teenage mother and raised the Son of God. Luke 1 

20. Lunch Boy – He was the only one who thought Jesus could do the 

unthinkable—and he gave everything he had. John 6:

However, living the life beyond the limit will only be made possible with the following in no particular order:

1. Believe – you must know and believe with all your heart that it is possible (Luke 1:45). Not only believing that it’s possible but believing that it is possible for you. No matter where you are or what you’ve gone through, someone has walked the same path and possibly worse and has overcome and now living the life of possibilities. You will be able to believe and increase your faith when you’re mindful of what you feed your mind on (watch, read and listen to). May I ask, who speaks to you on a daily basis?  Who mentors you? Who do you follow on Instagram? What do you watch on TV? What music do you listen to? We have uncountable examples of young people doing exploits, living the extraordinary life beyond limitations from whom you may glean hope, learn and build your faith towards achieving your own exploits too.

2. Desire – you must have a very strong desire to be extraordinary, to be a light and die empty Matt 5:13-14 “ye are the salt of the earth….the light of the world, a city that’s set on a hill cannot be hidden” Myles Munroe in his book, ‘understanding your purpose’ wrote that the richest place on earth is the graveyard, songs were never sung, books are never written, exploits never done. You must have an unquenchable thirst and passion to find and fulfil your purpose on earth. Your purpose holds the key to the life of living beyond limits. You must purpose in your heart not to contribute to the treasuries in the graveyard but to expend your full potential here on earth.

3. Discover God & You – Colossians 3:3 “but your life is hidden with Christ in God”.

Daniel 11:32b “but the people that do know their God shall be strong, and do exploits”

To discover You, you must first unravel God and Christ! Everyone manifests his/her glory by being who God has called him/her to do. The best time to discover your purpose on earth is now as a teenager. When God reveals you to you, you’ll realize you have much to accomplish and will not get involved in frivolities. Your gifting, talents & passion (issues that either excite or get you angry) are indicators of what you’re meant to do or a problem on earth you’re meant to solve. 

Romans 8:19 “for the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God”

4. Engage – having discovered your gifts, start engaging them. Join a department in the church where you can have expression and possibly develop your gifts, talents, and passion. Be a volunteer, stir up the gift of God by usage, and don’t bury it!

You must first serve your purpose to God and then to humanity. The secret to beyond limitation is the principle of multiplication Which occurs with usage. The more you use your gifts or are able to express your passion and talents, the better you get and the more exploits you do especially when it’s first given to God and His purpose. Why do I emphasize the God- factor? You may have observed that there are people who don’t acknowledge or even believe in God but yet seem to be achieving greatness? The God factor is important if you want to have it all…John 10:10 “the thief comes not but to steal, to kill and to destroy; I come that they might have light and that they might have it MORE abundantly”, proverbs 10:22 “the blessings of the Lord, it maketh rich and adds no sorrow with it”, John 1:3-4 “all things were made by him and without him was nothing made that was made. In him was life and the life was the light of men. The light (of men) shines in the darkness and the darkness comprehends it not”

5. Build character – hard work, Patience, Persistence, & faith Hebrews 6:12 “then ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promise”

Humility – James 4:6,10 “but He gives more grace, wherefore he says, God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble” Matthew 23:12 “and whoever exalts himself shall be abased and he that humbles himself shall be exalted”; 1 Peter 5:5 “likewise ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder…..”

Case study:

Identify the characters you think are the secrets of Frank Edward:

Frank Edwards, Beejay Sax, 

My life is a storybook of God’s manifestation. I’m a product of my worship. It’s not by singing, it’s by grace. I’m living in a house that I didn’t pay one naira for. Do you know what it means for somebody to finish building a house and give it to you? You know… and sometimes, every time I come out of my house, I look around, I ask myself, how old are you? Because I know that it’s not by singing. So I feel like it’s time to even let people know the secret behind the glory they celebrate.

My first album, “The Definition”, when that album came out, you know, Loveworld Records helped me to produce that album, and the first night we sold a hundred thousand copies at A Night of Blaze. Now, that was a lot of money, and then I was still climbing a bike. And we didn’t know it was going to sell that much. Then we had another program, Night of Blaze. It was all sold, and they called me. They said we made money from your CD, we will like to give you one million. Ehn! I thought! One million? That’s a lot! So, I called my mum. God bless my mother. My mum took me, she took me to church every day of my life, Scripture Union, S.U yeah. And she said, you know it’s your first fruit. Leave it for them. I thought, one million naira! And she that was telling me, leave it for them, she didn’t have one naira. I mean, me and my mum, we hawked together in Enugu. I would hawk this direction, she would hawk that direction. So she could have thought that this is a breakthrough. One million, God, and she said I should leave it for them. It’s my first fruit. Well, I didn’t have a choice but to obey her. So, I told them, I don’t want it. They said, are you sure? I said I don’t want. Maybe from the next one.

Do you know what God did? Now they took me to South Africa to shoot my first video. They said, okay since you don’t want money let’s make a video for you. And while we were shooting, I met some people and they asked, “are you the Frank Edwards?” We love your music. We didn’t even know you are a Nigerian. But your music needs to circulate, go everywhere in the world. But here is what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna remove Jesus, and use God. It sounds the same. Nobody will know because for your music to circulate, people that the name Jesus offend need to be your fan too. So, by the time you use God, they won’t find it offensive. So we will be able to circulate your music. And when I saw the offer, I thought Jesus, God, the same thing. It’s not much difference. Nobody will know. You know, God spoke to me and said, see, if you do this, you will not last and if you don’t, whatever they promise you, I will double it for you. So again, I let it go. I mean, I let the offer go. Even my then manager thought I made a mistake. You know managers always want more money. He thought I made a mistake but I made my decision, so I let it go. I came back.

And then God began to do His thing.

I released my second album. Someone from nowhere… He said someone is trying to reach you. She’s looking, in fact, when she started looking for me, she sent all her staff – If you don’t find Frank Edwards, don’t come to work. And they came to my church and spoke to some of my pastors. And then my pastors called me – someone is looking for you. They gave her my number and she called me. And then she said I’ve been listening to your music and you know as I listen, God keeps pushing me to do something for you. Do you want to come and see me in my office? I know you’re big. I said, big? Send the address first.

She called all her staff members. Took pictures with me and then she said, nothing, I just want to bless you. I just want to bless you as God placed in my heart. And then she gave me an envelope. I said thank you. You know, it looked big. It was on my way home that I opened the envelope. I opened it, so I called her, I said ma, the envelope you gave me. She said, what? I said, “look what is inside”. She said that’s for you now. And besides, anytime you want to do anything, the bill is on me. Okay. Then now I have $10,000. I didn’t do anything for you. I didn’t sing. Nothing! I said, “thank you”. I went home. I removed my tithe and my seed – that’s very important as well.

The upper week, they said, “someone is looking for you”. They gave the person my number. “I played your music, it blessed me so much and God placed it in my heart to bless you”. Can you come to my house? I went there. The same story. You know God does not make empty promises and He knows how to cause the chain reaction, you know. Then the upper week. This other woman called me: “where do you live?” I said I live in Allen. I mean, then I already have a good home and I was very comfortable. And she said ah ah! Ikeja, Ikeja is noisy. How do you create your music in that noisy environment? So she said, “Would you like to move to VGC (Victoria Garden City)?” And then you know, the first thing I did was calculate how much a plot of land is in VGC, even that’s if you find. So when I made the calculation, I now told her. I said hmm, I’d love to but now I have things, other things I’m working on that I need to do with money. So this is not… And she said, ok, when will you like to move? So I said, “I will work on it”. You know, I was thinking I would pay for it. And the next thing, I saw trucks in my house. And they said what would you like to take out of this house and what will you like to leave here? So as I talk to you, I didn’t lose the other place. I have the two. They said what will you like to take out here? I said I’ll take… If you want me to move, I’ll take everything. He said no! Just take the things you will need because the other place is already furnished. When I mean furnished, I mean, ask my manager, he knows my house. I live like a king and that was what God promised me. And I kept my own part of the deal. I did not disobey.

Exercise:  

Think for a moment and please a note of warning, don’t think small. Consider your passion, gifts, talents & dreams, then the level you want to get to in achievement. What do you desire to become and achieve for yourself, your family, your church, your country, your continent, and the world at large. Write these down

Joel 2 end-time army

Thank You.

Have you ever heard of a perfect gentleman or he’s everything I’ve ever prayed for or ever wanted in a man? Yet you’re not able to say for sure what you’re in for with this gentleman who seems to be your knight in shining armor and your dream come through guy because this relationship is undefined, maybe because the guy has refused to come plain by asking you out but behaving everything like a boyfriend totally in love and you’re having a ball and so afraid to ask the question of “what exactly are we doing and what do you want from me” because you’re afraid of the answer and/or unwilling to wake up from this too good to be true but undefined relationship?

Hmm. My dear sister, if this is you then danger lurks at your door. The danger of impending heartbreak, the danger of wasted time, resources, and energy, the danger of pouring water into a basket and making investments where you’ll never have any returns. The danger of loss. 

So Why is it so important to define every relationship and every stage of each relationship? It helps you avoid expectations leading to unnecessary heartbreak. it also informs the investment you make in the relationship, be it emotional, physical, financial, etc, at every point in time. 

Many have been victims sometimes not because the other party is wicked but by sheer misunderstanding or deliberate blindness to the obvious or coded moves, intent, or unspoken insinuations. This also happens because the male and female gender have a different makeup. While the male is just being male, the female is interpreting him based on her femininity and when you do this you always get it wrong.

That’s why it’s important to be very clear whenever in doubt, about exactly the type of relationship you’re into, and also at every point you perceive that the post seems to be shifting, it’s important to pause and redefine. Don’t assume or read his/her actions or inactions to determine what you think the relationship is. Don’t ever be afraid to ask, it’s better to know than end up wasting your precious time, emotions, energy, and resources, all because you’ve based everything on probabilities. Those are too precious to be wasted. Hmm. 

Be bold to ask questions such as ‘what do you want from me’ ‘where are we headed‘ what’s the purpose of our acquaintanceship?’ ‘What are we about’ and demand clear and well-defined answers, don’t settle for diplomatic and political answers. You should have clarity, purpose, and goal for every relationship. Know where you’re headed right from inception. I’ll love to hear from you, please drop your comment or send me a message.

Have a relationship-defining day!

My husband & I on our way from work yesterday decided to take a detour to buy pizza for the family (my kids love it & it’s been a while), so I found a seat while he went to make our orders, then came to my table was this fair-skinned tall & slim young lady with a large box of pizza, a smaller box of chicken nuggets and a fizzy drink. She placed all these on my table, sat, and began to eat.

Initially, I wasn’t concerned about her until she started devouring the pizza all by herself, what attracted me most was the angry look on her face. In my house, because we love pizza and eat it with so much relish, this was strange to me as I’ve never ever seen anyone eat with so much anger and unhappiness. I had a prompting in my spirit to chat her up and because it’s my passion to talk to young adults, I started a chat with her but cautiously because I didn’t even think she was going to grant me an audience with that angry air about her.

But surprisingly immediately after I said hi, she broke out in smiles and responded quickly like someone starved for attention. So I engaged her and discovered she was a university undergraduate in unilag with no ‘Val’ and had decided to give herself a post valentine’s treat. I started telling her about the gift of singleness. And right before me she started transforming, radiating beauty I hadn’t noticed earlier, she became full of life & big smiles, kept nodding in affirmation as my husband, who had joined us, and I was telling her this stuff. It’s obvious she needed to hear that she shouldn’t need anyone’s company or validation to enjoy her life or her pizza for that matter. 

God created man as male & female singly and called these creations VERY good, the zenith of His works and excellency of His power. So being single is very good. To be single is to be whole and complete. Singleness is not a deficiency as some would want to believe, being separate and alone isn’t the same as being lonely and feeling unwanted. Adam wasn’t a lonely chap looking for Love, he was complete in himself, actively engaged in his pursuit of purpose and achievement of greatness before God observed that he needed help with his enormous task.

Singleness is a precious gift to be maximized. It is the period of self-discovery & development, finding life’s purpose, and active engagement in achievement. It is a period of redeeming the time. The gifts of singleness are enormous such as time, energy, separation, and resources. But it’s unfortunate that some believe singleness is a curse and a burden, ah ask the married o. Yes, it’s beautiful to be married but if you found yourself married while leaving undone certain things you should have achieved as a single, you will struggle all through marriage to get them done because your time and resources are not yours alone and if care is not taken, you might never be able to achieve them again.

If you also didn’t discover yourself, as a single before venturing into marriage and so you always need someone else to validate you, your marriage might end up being dysfunctional because healthy marriage is between two secured, completely whole, and purpose-driven individuals coming together for companionship and to harness forces to achieve much more. It’s not for unsecured individuals looking for who would complete and validate them, no. Please my dear single, there is no timetable for a relationship or marriage (my opinion) so my advice is to never allow society or anyone put undue pressure on you. We told the young adult “You’re in a very good place, get to know YOU, enjoy being with YOU, love YOU absolutely and completely, validate YOU, develop YOU, explore all YOUr gifting & talents, date YOU, be YOUr lover, treat YOUrself right, respect YOU. Become the ONE. If you don’t love yourself first, you can’t truly love anyone else. Be YOUr number 1 valentine and see yourself attracting another healthy and secured human as yourself in His time.